Shoes

Me <<When I was 7 at the Temple in Pittsburgh>>: Appa...Why don't we wear shoes in Temple?

Appa: Well you know lots of Hindus believe it's because shoes are dirty.  There is a lot of truth to that. However, more importantly, by removing our shoes, we show humility.  We came into this world empty-handed and we leave it in the same manner.  Regardless of who we are in the outside world, we are all simple, barefoot devotees
before the Lord.  Since we treat our homes like temples as well, we enter them barefoot. Whether you are a king or a peasant in the outside world, within the home you are simply a family
member.  As a member, you are due the same respect...and expected to show the same respect...as every other member.

Me: I get it! <<smiling>>

Appa: (Getting serious) Our body and our soul are temples too.  Know the respect you are due.  IF someone tries to make you feel inadequate or inferior...know that you, like all humans, hold within you the same sanctity as the inner chambers of a Temple.  You should not only treat others with that respect, but you should always expect the same respect in return.

Me: Adho?...What happens if someone treats you badly?

Appa: <<Points to sign>>No shoes allowed beyond this point.  If your respect was not worth anything to them, then they aren't worth your time nor attention.

Character

The word "Character" has so many meanings. Webster mentions, among the many meanings, the following:

1 : the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person, group, or nation

2 : moral excellence and firmness 

3: characterization especially in drama or fiction

4: a conventionalized graphic device placed on an object as an indication of ownership, origin, or relationship 

As can be expected, my language doesn't use the same word to describe all four definitions.  Definition 1, in my language, is "Gunam".  What is my "Gunam?" I used it once in an argument with a family member who was upset to find out I was gay. I asked them, "How can something be unnatural if it harms no one and was your 'Gunam' at birth?" 

But there are "Gunam" that we acquire after we are born.  Those that we inherit from our families....intentionally or unintentionally.

My grandfather had been born into a community of  "former warriors", with the surname "Mudaliar". "Mudal" itself means first, and hence "Mudaliar" means of first rank. While many in my family  no longer follow their military occupation, they are still taught their heritage.

The name was first donned on a community of ancestors, whose stories are now shrouded in myth.  The story itself is recounted in the classical "Vikram and Betal" stories that are still recited to kids throughout India.  In one of these stories, a king is asked to sacrifice his only child in order to restore peace and harmony in his kingdom. He was told by the prophet, that only if there is an entire family willing to sacrifice their lives, then will his child's life be spared.  The king searched near and far, until he came to a small village of weavers.  The king merely asked and the entire community raised swords and sacrificed themselves for the king on the spot, young and old alike.  The king, horrified to see the deaths of so many, raised his own sword to kill himself.  At that moment, a divine being appeared, raised all the dead and said "From these men, women, and children, find your leaders. They will lead your land to peace and harmony".

To be a warrior in our community meant to be one of integrity.  To have the word "first" in your surname meant that you were born to be a leader. Not just through your military talents, but in all of your actions. Day or night, on or off the battlefield, you were expected to show "Character"

By that I meant  Definition 2.

And what does it mean to be someone of Character?

My father. 
Long before I was even born, my father started writing names on a sheet of paper every day during prayers.  He continues this practice to this day.  The names he writes, are those who have passed on, who have inspired him in some shape or form.  He writes every individual's name 10 times and recites them.  Not all those who have passed on held him in high favor during life. But regardless, he writes their names and says a prayer for them.

So born into a family and to a father who displays character, wouldn't you expect me to be a person of a character?

I try.  I really try to be a good person...to be a friend to my friends, a good worker to my superiors, a good son to my family, a good person to my fellow man.  But recently, I was put in a situation where my character was brought into question.  It's then that the last two definitions came to life.

Because to sit somewhere and have your character brought into question? It hurts.  Especially when you feel the accusation was unjust and unfair.  But instead of letting myself be hurt, I smiled and put on a mask of acceptance.  I could have argued. I could have stormed out of there.  But I had a legacy to uphold.  To show the calmness and resilience of a warrior was my heritage.  So I created a character (Definition 3).  One that was unaffected by the words thrown at me.

But the hardest part was when I had to sign my name on the document.  Definition 4.  To use my family name, my father's name, to accept the unfair judgment against me on paper.  To use the "character" that represents all the values of virtue I was raised with on a document that basically stated I had been void of that virtue.  

It...hurt. A lot.

Gasparilla

Most people all around the world celebrate holidays that show the triumph of their people.  Cities and nations commemorate the day when they obtained freedom, independence, and victory.  A day when the subjugation ceased.  A day when they began to control their own destiny.

Floridians, on the other hand, celebrate a holiday known as Gasparilla.


 Each year Tampa celebrates Gasparilla and reenacts a local legend. A crew of pirates, led by "Jose Gaspar", attack and overpower the local Tampa authorities and march triumphantly through the streets.
 

Also reenacted is the episode that occurred less than one hour later, when the pirates ran back to their ship screaming "Why the hell would anyone WILLINGLY live in Florida???"

Three

<<This is a story from awhile back...but I have never shared before so here goes>>

Coworker: Hey! I know we haven't really spoken before, but I'm taking a class on Hinduism and I saw that you wear the...(glancing up) red stuff on your forehead, and I wanted to ask you a couple questions for an essay I'm writing.  What does being a "Hindu" mean to you?  In three words...





Me: Thanadakkam.  Humility.  No person, no text, no faith has all the answers.  One should acknowledge that and live without arrogance.

Her: And...?




Me: Karunai. Mannudhavi maanam. Mercy. Humaneness.To treat all people with kindness, even those who you have been wronged by.

Her: And...?


 Me: Bhakti. Devotion.  To live immersed in the worship of God.

Her (flipping through her notes)...so not cows, caste?...they also talked about Sati...burning widows, right?

Me: (smiling) I'm glad to see that your tuition money is being put to good use.  I hope they teach you what the "red stuff" is at some point.

Pictionary

Best quote of the night:

"I am amazing at Pictionary. I can look at a drawing of something that looks like a penis and go 'Oh yeah...Mother Teresa?"...and guess it right."

Voice

When I was a kid, my father was invited along with our family to a Thanksgiving dinner at his coworker's home.  My father was enjoying a conversation about politics with the other men.  My mother was enjoying the women goggling over her jewelry and her silk sari.  Everything was perfect until right before dinner.  As we sat down at dinner, our host requested a prayer to bless the meal.  After his prayer, and after everyone had said "Amen", everyone reached for their forks to start digging in.  I raised my hand and asked if I could say a prayer too.  The host was surprised and "passed the mike on to me".  I said in Sanskrit:

"Let comfort be everywhere, 
Let peace be everywhere, 
Let there be plenty everywhere, 
And let good things happen everywhere. 
Om Namo Naraayana"

The entire table was in an uncomfortable silence. There were several angry faces, but most were simply confused.  My sister giggled into her napkin.  My father responded to the prayer with a cough.  My mother loudly responded with a hearty "Om Namo Naraayana"

That night my parents had an argument. I was only 7 at the time, but I remember most of the conversation.

Appa: Have you raised our son to be a Hindu missionary? Why don't you just sign him up to be a Hare Krishna now and save us the embarrassment in the future?

Amma: If your friends feel uncomfortable with a Hindu prayer, why should THEY invite Hindus to a dinner and then include them in a recitation of  Christian prayers? For good grief, his prayer asked those who "don't have faith in Christ, to find Christ"...how inappropriate was that?  Was that not directly aimed at our family? Our son asked for peace and blessings in the world!  And yet you're worried that THEY were offended!

Appa: LIVING is about accommodation!  That's what's wrong with our people!  Tamils refuse to learn Hindi, and because of that how many Tamils have become Prime Ministers of India?  You can try and be the square peg that fits into the circle hole, but at some point you have to fit your circumstances. Or you just fail.

Amma: You don't get it, do you?  He was asserting his ideology! Do we want a son who will be in a situation where his beliefs are in conflict with the popular opinion and he will decide to accommodate with what he feels is wrong?  Or do we want a son who wants to sacrifice everything for his values?
 
Appa: I want a son who never has to sacrifice anything.  I want a son who never feels he's left out or against the popular opinion.  I don't speak English well....my total appearance exudes "foreignness" and I know how hard that is.   I don't want our son to feel the same way. If that means a Christan son who fits in with American Thanksgiving dinners...so be it.


Both those voices have shaped me as a person.   They have formed decisions I have made and those I have undone.

I guess I will keep deactivating and reactivating Facebook until I find which of the voices in my head...

...will be my voice.

Holy Cow

Hindu Courtesy Tip # 1: If you happen to join a Hindu friend at temple and after an extremely long service that puts off your dinner, you should not say "Oh my god, I'm so hungry I could eat a cow."

Kinda tacky.

Rising

 Today is Pongal!

"Pongal-o Pongal!", as one would say in India! Or "Happy Bungle" as my coworkers awkwardly greeted me with contorted expressions as they tried to pronounce the word. 

While the name itself, "Pongal", refers to the festival celebrated by Tamils, people all over India celebrate this day with different names: Sankranti, Makar Sankranti, Maghi, Magh Bihu, Lohri, Khichdi, Shishur Saenkraat, etc.

"Pongal", is rooted in the Tamil word "to boil", or "to rise", which is the reason the festival is celebrated throughout India.  Uttarayan, or the northern movement of the sun, is what is celebrated during this festival...and it is no coincidence that it falls so soon after the winter solstice.  This harvest festival is the first occasion after the days begin to grow longer, the nights grow shorter, and there is more Vitamin D-giving sun.

Pongal is celebrated with many foods and traditions that depict this rising.  The common dish, "Pongal" itself, is made from boiling milk, sugar, and rice.  Homes are filled with pots overflowing with grain.  Kids wake up early to fly their kites in the air.  Many families even stand outside in the morning silently...taking in the wonder of the sun rising over the horizon (or the wonder of the earth turning towards the sun, for those literalists).

This "rising" vs. "falling" metaphor is a common theme in all religions.  You have the dichotomy of "fallen angels" vs. "Christ arisen".  You have the "Ushnisha" of Buddha, where the top of his head literally rose, forming a bulge, when he attained enlightenment.  We associate the rising of the elements as a symbol of spiritual rising and attainment.

Pongal fell (or I guess "arose") during a very interesting time.  A very interesting point of my life.  If I could bring together the feelings I've had these past few years into a few words, it wouldn't be "spiritual rising"...it would be "complete anger".  Not just irritation, but a pure, blinding, white-hot, wrath.  The type of anger that makes you spill your coffee, only because you were holding your thermos too tightly.  The type of anger that makes you get up three times in the night to drink that expensive Kave tea that promised to soothe even Lord Voldermort's soul.  The type of anger that makes you perfectly in place with other Floridian drivers.  Kali-ma style anger.



Oh yeah.  Indiana Jones-style Kali-Ma anger.

As a digression: I won't lie how much I enjoy that movie. I even love the Kali-Ma scenes, the stereotypical nondescript Asian boy yelling "Doctor Jones", and large boulders bouncing through small cavern passages. But Kali, although depicted in Hindu scriptures as wrathfully avenging injustices done to innocent women, children, and elderly people, isn't a goddess of anger.  My dad understood that.

My dad has been a venting outlet for me recently.  I guess he realized during my constant conversations about how "pissed off I was", that I was going over "the edge". He told me to take a few deep breaths, go to bed, wake up early, and read a prayer to the Mother: "Bhavani Ashtakam", he recommended. I awoke, already angry as my head swirled with nightmares of various scenarios that had already occurred while I was awake.

I was unsure how the Bhavani Ashtakam would help me.  It was not a familiar prayer, but I had always heard it recited in almost a battle-chant style.  How does such a fierce prayer release a soul from anger? I think I was better off with the Kave tea.


I hadn't completed the first verse of the stotram when I began to cry.  The words, although in the ancient language of Sanskrit, are easy to understand for most Hindus.  The first stotram is translated as:


No father, nor mother. No friend, nor relation. Neither son, nor daughter.  No husband, no wife, no knowledge, no way of life, do I depend upon.  Dependeth I, Dependeth I, Dependeth I on you Mother.

Doesn't the desperation of this writer hold the root of all anger? Is that not the feeling of helplessness? Feeling like you are trapped in an unrequited love, an unfair world, an unappreciative job, an uncaring family...an unwanted life?  Where every path you turn onto for comfort is prefaced with the word "no?"

As I was half-crying, I could only help but laugh at how pathetic of an Indiana Jones extra I would have been.

Casting Director: "Where's the guy who is supposed to be tearing hearts out of live chests?"
Other Extra: "Oh he's crying about the meaning of life again."


I'm not as cutout for "white-hot, blood-thirsty, hate", I guess.

I remember when I was young, my mother would recite another prayer to the same deity: The Mahishasura Mardhani Stotram.  I loved the way the song sounded, but the Sanskrit words were too hard for a young kid to pronounce or memorize.  There was only one verse that I could ever follow along with, since the words were so repetitive.

"Suratha Samadhi samana Samadhi,
Samadhi Samadhi sujatharathe,
Jaya Jaya hey Mahishasura mardini ,
Ramya kapardini, shaila Suthe."

Hail to you, my goddess, She who is pleased by the "Samaadhi" of the great ones.

 I'm guessing that my mom smiled because if there was only one word I could pronounce from the entire prayer, she was happy that it was "Samadhi".

A word that means peace.  A word that means the coming together of people. A word that could describe the enlightenment that Buddha felt as his head "rose".  A term that Indian Christians use to describe a place where martyrs are laid to rest, and where Christ arose from the dead.  A word that inspires souls to..."Pongal".

<<to be continued...>>

Bhogi

So here it begins: Facebook Withdrawal.

I'm not saying Facebook was my life.  By no means did I spend a large amount of time on Facebook...liking posts, watching videos, or being mesmerized by changing relationship statuses (However, I am still fascinated with anyone who uses "It is complicated" seriously).  Facebook is fun because it's about people...and not just any people.  People you've known at different stages of your life updating you about what's important to them.  For all that people complain about Facebook, there actually is something beautiful about it.  Facebook is the window into the autobiographies of our friends' lives.  And I've decided to cut it out of my life. Cold Turkey.

Yes. I am being dramatic.  Woe is I, the guy who now has to turn to gchat messages and blogs to share my life with the rest of the world. But maybe this blog will be a good thing.  Maybe this blog can be my Nicoderm CQ patch.  Gradually weening myself off of the interwebs so I can start actually living a life.  You know...one that involves walks in the woods (not running through World of Warcraft woods, trying to kill a boss) and playing board games with friends (Other than "Words with friends" or whatever you iProduct users play).

Today is Bhogi.  Bhogi is a harvest festival celebrated in South India where small fires are lit and people burn unusable crops and household items.  The concept is that by burning and destroying the "old", it allows us to create room for the "new". 

Change is like removing a bandage.  It's hard to get rid of something that is familiar and comfortable.  I felt that way when I left Pennsylvania and moved to Florida.  After living most my life within a 150-mile radius of Beaver Stadium, moving to Florida was a challenge.  It meant opening myself up to an uncertain future.  

Bhogi happens once a year, right before the harvest festival of Pongal.  However, we all go through our own "Bhogis" at key changing points in our lives.

Sometimes in life, the only way one can move forward is by ripping off the bandage and savoring the pain. Or burning those rags in the corner that have become a useless but comforting symbol of home.  Or getting rid of Facebook.  Or making important decisions on how you should live life from today forth.

Finally...turning a back on the past and welcoming the prospects of an unknown future.   Will today also be your "Bhogi"?