Voice

When I was a kid, my father was invited along with our family to a Thanksgiving dinner at his coworker's home.  My father was enjoying a conversation about politics with the other men.  My mother was enjoying the women goggling over her jewelry and her silk sari.  Everything was perfect until right before dinner.  As we sat down at dinner, our host requested a prayer to bless the meal.  After his prayer, and after everyone had said "Amen", everyone reached for their forks to start digging in.  I raised my hand and asked if I could say a prayer too.  The host was surprised and "passed the mike on to me".  I said in Sanskrit:

"Let comfort be everywhere, 
Let peace be everywhere, 
Let there be plenty everywhere, 
And let good things happen everywhere. 
Om Namo Naraayana"

The entire table was in an uncomfortable silence. There were several angry faces, but most were simply confused.  My sister giggled into her napkin.  My father responded to the prayer with a cough.  My mother loudly responded with a hearty "Om Namo Naraayana"

That night my parents had an argument. I was only 7 at the time, but I remember most of the conversation.

Appa: Have you raised our son to be a Hindu missionary? Why don't you just sign him up to be a Hare Krishna now and save us the embarrassment in the future?

Amma: If your friends feel uncomfortable with a Hindu prayer, why should THEY invite Hindus to a dinner and then include them in a recitation of  Christian prayers? For good grief, his prayer asked those who "don't have faith in Christ, to find Christ"...how inappropriate was that?  Was that not directly aimed at our family? Our son asked for peace and blessings in the world!  And yet you're worried that THEY were offended!

Appa: LIVING is about accommodation!  That's what's wrong with our people!  Tamils refuse to learn Hindi, and because of that how many Tamils have become Prime Ministers of India?  You can try and be the square peg that fits into the circle hole, but at some point you have to fit your circumstances. Or you just fail.

Amma: You don't get it, do you?  He was asserting his ideology! Do we want a son who will be in a situation where his beliefs are in conflict with the popular opinion and he will decide to accommodate with what he feels is wrong?  Or do we want a son who wants to sacrifice everything for his values?
 
Appa: I want a son who never has to sacrifice anything.  I want a son who never feels he's left out or against the popular opinion.  I don't speak English well....my total appearance exudes "foreignness" and I know how hard that is.   I don't want our son to feel the same way. If that means a Christan son who fits in with American Thanksgiving dinners...so be it.


Both those voices have shaped me as a person.   They have formed decisions I have made and those I have undone.

I guess I will keep deactivating and reactivating Facebook until I find which of the voices in my head...

...will be my voice.