Character

The word "Character" has so many meanings. Webster mentions, among the many meanings, the following:

1 : the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person, group, or nation

2 : moral excellence and firmness 

3: characterization especially in drama or fiction

4: a conventionalized graphic device placed on an object as an indication of ownership, origin, or relationship 

As can be expected, my language doesn't use the same word to describe all four definitions.  Definition 1, in my language, is "Gunam".  What is my "Gunam?" I used it once in an argument with a family member who was upset to find out I was gay. I asked them, "How can something be unnatural if it harms no one and was your 'Gunam' at birth?" 

But there are "Gunam" that we acquire after we are born.  Those that we inherit from our families....intentionally or unintentionally.

My grandfather had been born into a community of  "former warriors", with the surname "Mudaliar". "Mudal" itself means first, and hence "Mudaliar" means of first rank. While many in my family  no longer follow their military occupation, they are still taught their heritage.

The name was first donned on a community of ancestors, whose stories are now shrouded in myth.  The story itself is recounted in the classical "Vikram and Betal" stories that are still recited to kids throughout India.  In one of these stories, a king is asked to sacrifice his only child in order to restore peace and harmony in his kingdom. He was told by the prophet, that only if there is an entire family willing to sacrifice their lives, then will his child's life be spared.  The king searched near and far, until he came to a small village of weavers.  The king merely asked and the entire community raised swords and sacrificed themselves for the king on the spot, young and old alike.  The king, horrified to see the deaths of so many, raised his own sword to kill himself.  At that moment, a divine being appeared, raised all the dead and said "From these men, women, and children, find your leaders. They will lead your land to peace and harmony".

To be a warrior in our community meant to be one of integrity.  To have the word "first" in your surname meant that you were born to be a leader. Not just through your military talents, but in all of your actions. Day or night, on or off the battlefield, you were expected to show "Character"

By that I meant  Definition 2.

And what does it mean to be someone of Character?

My father. 
Long before I was even born, my father started writing names on a sheet of paper every day during prayers.  He continues this practice to this day.  The names he writes, are those who have passed on, who have inspired him in some shape or form.  He writes every individual's name 10 times and recites them.  Not all those who have passed on held him in high favor during life. But regardless, he writes their names and says a prayer for them.

So born into a family and to a father who displays character, wouldn't you expect me to be a person of a character?

I try.  I really try to be a good person...to be a friend to my friends, a good worker to my superiors, a good son to my family, a good person to my fellow man.  But recently, I was put in a situation where my character was brought into question.  It's then that the last two definitions came to life.

Because to sit somewhere and have your character brought into question? It hurts.  Especially when you feel the accusation was unjust and unfair.  But instead of letting myself be hurt, I smiled and put on a mask of acceptance.  I could have argued. I could have stormed out of there.  But I had a legacy to uphold.  To show the calmness and resilience of a warrior was my heritage.  So I created a character (Definition 3).  One that was unaffected by the words thrown at me.

But the hardest part was when I had to sign my name on the document.  Definition 4.  To use my family name, my father's name, to accept the unfair judgment against me on paper.  To use the "character" that represents all the values of virtue I was raised with on a document that basically stated I had been void of that virtue.  

It...hurt. A lot.